Christmas came and went with all the usual fan fare coupled with a dose of recession reality.
In Pakistan although we get Christmas as a holiday (as it is fortunate enough to coincide with Quad-e-Azam's (Pakistan's founder) death anniversary. Regardless, I think once the merriment of Christmas is over and one can truly evaluate their gifts without the watchful glare of their relatives, they can be truly honest with how they feel.
"Gee Aunty, that Swedish cook book is extremely thoughtful, I can't wait to try to make something" means "how sweet of her to get me a gift that will make my life easier" at the time, and a day later means 'I can't wait to give this rubbish book away, who likes Swedish food anyway, what I really wanted was that Gold Locket she said looked great on me"
So I've compiled a list of people and what they really wanted...
Madonna gets a gift certificate for botox; what she really wanted was to transplant herself into a younger hotter persons body....anyone have a kid up for adoption?
Donald Trump gets the bill for his wife's expensive shopping bill; What he really wanted was a government Bail out....anyone who can loan him a Mil? He'll pay you back on Tuesday.
Tiger Woods gets a get well soon card from his sponsors; What he really wanted was his golf clubs and an "end of year bonus check'....a crash proof car wouldn't be amiss either.
Tiger Words wife gets an expensive post nuptial contract plus an island full of gold; What she really wanted was to go back in time to the minute she met Tiger, kick him in the balls and walk away.
Barack Obama gets a huge array of terrific gifts from all the foreign heads of state and every ass kisser with any relevance in the political world; What he really wanted was a gift that he is actually allowed to keep...... and that his middle name wasn't Hussein....maybe Jesus but definitely not Hussein.
George W Bush gets a ton of hate mail (as he does every other day of the year); What he really wanted was a thank you card from Barack Obama for taking the heat off him. Ungrateful Liberal!
Democrats on the hill frenziedly pass a historic a haphazard health care bill; What they really wanted was a few days off to catnap, but they weren't sure if Byrd was going to make it.
James Cameron gets millions of dollars in Movie Royalty Checks; What he really wanted was enough Oscars to use as bowling pins....and a perfect game.
John McCain gets to spend time with his family on Christmas; What he really wanted was to play war games and be President....Seriously.
Osama gets to make a video tell his followers how Christmas was the day the devil came down from Mars and vanquished all of the infidels: What he really wanted was a new Kidney and a Massage chair with a cup holder.
Ben Bernake gets to stick around as Fed Chief and be Times Man of the Year for Christmas; What he really wanted was a day in Mexico with banjo and a tequila sunrise.
Goldman Sachs get huge bonuses for Christmas: What they really wanted were New Years, Kwanza and Hunakka bonuses too....a better PR director and take over of all the world media outlets wouldn't have hurt either.
Turkeys get to be Dinner at Christmas; What they really wished was that they didn't make fun of all those Turkey's that disappeared during thanksgiving.
