Martyrdom = Seventy Two Virgins = Freaking Nightmare

Now, I keep hearing that the reason all of these Jihadists are so inclined on blowing themselves up is for God's ultimate reward of 72 Virgins. Now if Muslims actually believed this, there would be (a hell of a lot) more than the 40 or so suicide bombers in a year...for the love of God, there are over a Billion Muslims. 

These remarkably short life spanned chaps do it, because they are unhinged, they are morons and figure if they are going to kill themselves, they may as well get some credit for it....and say God said it was OK, so they're peeps can be proud of them and tell everyone there is a 'Welcome to Heaven' halo on their heads. Needless to say, their mental faculties are compromised (or mis-wired). But this whole concept brought a new line of questioning to my mind....

Q1. Who is the complete cluster fucking idiot who thought that seventy two virgins? 

It's from an unreliable guy, who heard it from a guy, who heard from a guy, who claimed that the Prophet said it, completely unverified and the guy has a spotty record/memory. A bunch of the sayings he attributed to Prophet Muhammad have already been disproved.....including this one.  

Q2. How did it become the epitome of God's greatest reward? 

If this imbecile is somehow still alive someone ought to take a loaded pistol, shove it up his ass, and keep pulling the trigger (remember to take the safety off!) till you hear the gun click......reload and repeat exercises. If the sewage spewing mind molester is dead, then I'm sure God's got me covered.

I have no idea beyond this. I refuse to conduct research as I believe all knowledge gathering outside of the Quran is a western conspiracy designed to cloud our pure Islamic minds. 

Ever wonder why there are so few Jihadist suicide bombers? It's very simple. It's evolution. Only the most stupid human being would think that it's a blessing to have to live and appease 72 chicks, hence, they are the morons who get to die (preferably before passing on their genes). To prove it, Islam allowed 4 wives. 

Now find me a single suicide bomber who has more than a single wife (that isn't clinically insane.... which would actually explain a lot).

Women are highly complex mind altering creatures, and the truth is that being with just one of them will cause cancer, ulcers, brain hemorrhaging, and that's before your married (if you want proof, check out Bridezillas). Now do yourself a favour and multiply that by the power of 72.  

Every man, with half a brain (or old enough to experience a relationship), has considered this, and has swiftly passed out from the potential trauma (this is why men like taking naps...we have long recovery periods). It's a completely stupid idea. 

Can imagine all the girl drama? Typical groups of girls (5-6) are bad enough, but I can't imagine what 72 virgins will do to a man psyche. Chatter, Chatter, Chatter....and you'll be the one 'impartial' mediator....Good Luck playing Daddy and Husband with the same horde of women all day (If your into that sort of thing, I doubt your in Gods goods books anyway). 

How do you explain how you love them all equally....to 72 women!!! Be careful or they'll string you up and tear you open like a pinata, although that's what you deserve for wanting such a ludicrous thing.  

Since women are the ones with the power in any relationship (it's a fact, check wikipedia), they are the ones who get to decide who gets the lucky martyr for the night....and how exactly do they do that amicably? Rock Paper Scissors? 

Forget friendly pillow fights, think more Jail house brawls. That's a dangerous collection of estrogen (a Class A felony drug if there was any), and your the only guy, but the end of your first week you'll be looking into Sex Change operations. 

Whilst one may currently be praying for 72 Virgins now, once you get them, you'll be praying for Viagra....not to mention a shot gun to blow your own brains out. 

Q3. Is this Logical?

My Logic is impeccable, if you don't believe me, check out my formula.

Step 1. Martyrdom = Seventy Two Virgins = Freaking Nightmare

Step 2. Martyrdom = Something only a Moron who hates his life pursues

Step 3. Something only a Moron who hates his life pursues = Seventy Two Virgins

The Big Idea

Life is hard, living the life of a good person (let alone Muslim) is hard. 

The truth is that we all, in some way or the other, come short.

To kill yourself and others in the name of religion is a cop out, and one that God isn't likely to fall for.

Instead, why don't you (Cluster Fucking) Martyrs, try Living for Islam and bettering the world around you.

Even if you fail, at least you won't harm anyone and hey, you might do some Actual Good.

A Deep Question

Q. What do you want to be in life?
Ans. Perfect....ly Awesome. (Only God gets to be Perfect and I'm still trying to get on his good side.

At some point in our lives, we tend to ask ourselves what is the meaning of life? Is there depth to our purpose here, or are we merely specks in the fabric of time, forever dancing to the tune of tick tock.


I think because life is so ephemeral in the grand scheme of things, we are always on a quest to prolong and make most of the experience. After all, there is nothing that guarantees that we won't drop dead any second now. Which reminds me, go have fun today! just in case.


We love living, and love the idea of immortality. We don't like to think of the practicality, the boredom, the changing times, losing the people we love and worst of all the loneliness. Which is probably why religions almost universally speak of the after life, a better place where life goes on or at least is continued in some fashion; Whether its frolicking in the gardens of Eden or dining in the Great Hall with Thor (I vote partying with Thor, apparently the bar maids are hot and they awesome dirty jokes).


To deserve that better place, we must be better people. With all of humanities imperfections, disastrous impulses we are gifted the ability and tools to overcome our shortcomings. Unfortunately, we prefer to keep the tools away for emergencies rather than keep them in good use.

We are given the freedom of choice to love, hate, feel whatever we wish. It is that choice that makes us unique. It also places a great burden on our shoulders to be better, if we hope to have a pleasant after life. Assuming you believe in the after life.

I remember a conversation I had with an atheist friend of mine, she had thrown a party celebrating her move from being a closet agnostic to full blown atheism. I hadn't really met any real intellectual atheists, the ones I had met were a mish mash rebellious pissed of girls, who still hadn't gotten over the fact that a God given anatomy would make them bleed once a month.

I obviously went over to admonish her and poke her alien like frame to make sure she was real. One thing about her conversion did trouble me, which I put to her. There was no tangible benefit for her giving up God. Very simply put if she believes in God (lets not get into selection worries) then on her death she has a shot at the afterlife, even if she's right, she dies with that sense of comfort. Both of these don't exist in her current state, which disconcerted me. She has nothing to look forward to in an athiest mindset, and if she's wrong about it all, she'll burn in hell. Sounds pretty freaking stupid.

Why is it that good people tend to lead 'boring' lives? I realized that it may seem boring to me, but they have different things that give them pleasure. The fulfilment of achievement and the promise of a better after life. We admire such people, but rarely enough to change our ways and follow them as our examples, preferring Jude Law to Edhi or Russel Brand to Mandela.


Obviously no one is perfect, humans aren't wired to be, but we can struggle to be better, do better, use our lives for the betterment of others. Whether it is one person or one billion, that love is the same. God doesn't demand we succeed, he only demands that you try as Mother Theresa is often quoted as saying. It is that honest effort that marks our betterment.


I think that their are many easy ways to better ourselves, whether its being charitable, smiling more, being understanding of others, helping people (especially at home) and random acts of kindness. But that choice is ours, and it is both our greatest asset and our greatest downfall. It's a pity its not a responsibility we are really up for.

Living in a City of Boom Boom

Don't look forward to the day when you stop suffering. Because when it comes you'll know that you're dead. - Tennessee Williams

Whenever their is a suicide bombing in Pakistan, I get a deluge of concerned notes asking about my and my family's health (less lately as its become a daily occurrence, and the realization that I live in Karachi which has until recently, been largely untouched by the terror campaign). 

I appreciate the concern from my friends and I thank god every day for the fact that my loved ones are safe. So far my luck has been exemplary, so I continue praying for the streak to continue (if it ain't broke why fix it). 

One of the questions I got asked a lot was 'how do you live with all the uncertainty, isn't it dangerous and make you feel unsafe?" 

A part of my wants to laugh it off, not deal with the fact that I grew up and currently live in a scary unpredictable explosive city. A part of me wants to shrug it off and be tough about it in a debonair way, but the truth is that Death (not to mention the process of dying) scares me, but oddly enough not as much as it happening to my family and friends. The rest of me just wants to to look them straight in the eye and say yes. 

A suicide bombing is a tragic thing, but as someone said 'If someone wants to trade his life for yours, there is not a whole lot you can do about it'. It is that hopelessness, and the realization in that no matter what you do, short of perpetual house arrest, that there is nothing to do. In acceptance of that reality is where I feel at peace. 

I eventually came to the conclusion that as a nation, Pakistani citizens had inadvertently put themselves through the 7 stages of grief. Obviously, everyone dealt with their own personal circumstances differently, but the pattern was the same, dealing with unexpected losses and the fallout from the mindless destructive taking of lives, perhaps even their own loved ones. 

1. Shock; Terrorist strikes are random, unexpected and in destructive. It befuddles one how a 'religious Islamic war' is fought by killing innocents. It's one thing to attack military bases, but quite another to attack markets, mosques and religious processions. How such warped backward people live in our society is shameful. 

2. Denial; We like to think that its not really Pakistanis that are behind these attacks, that evil crazy foreigners from the middle east and the dysfunctional Stan regions (Afghanistan, Uzbekistan etc) are really behind it. Sadly, for a time, we ignore all evidence to the contrary. There is also the scope where we try to deny that things are as bad as they are. Now that all the terrorists have blown themselves that we can finally live in peace.

 

3. Bargaining; Our government has tried it, peace agreements, peace talks, tacit agreements all to no avail. It also makes us wonder what we could do to reverse the loss? Distraught family members ask God Why them, and unleash the I wish you would have 'taken me instead' mindset. Unfortunately, God and terrorist suicide bomber do have one thing in common, their is no use for bargaining other than to make ourselves feel better. 

4. Guilt; We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel guilt. I'm sure the establishment that originally set up and supported the terrorist cells in the hope to neutralize India and control Afghanistan experience more than their fair share. One tends to blame themselves in order to reconcile with their loss. Perhaps 

5. Anger; It is unavoidable, and expressing it is a national pastime rivaling cricket. We like burning cars, looting shops, closing down entire cities with our griefs. Say what you will, but Pakistanis are intensely passionate people and inflaming an entire metropolis isn't as hard or uncommon as one would think.  Mostly, its anger at the injustice of it all, after all the people killed are innocents, whether they are in the midst of worship, or buying shoes or even enjoying a night out, there is no justice in their deaths. Whether its anger towards god, terrorists, the government, the army etc, its still pain and economically rather expensive.  

6. Depression; Feelings of hopelessness, it hits us all hard and fast. It comes and goes as it pleases. That sensation of sadness from within is mind numbing and emotion sapping. Nothing will bring those people back, and nothing will deter those maniacs who slaughter in the name of God. I personally think its a fear of the unpredictability and the realization that no one is safe. 

7. Acceptance; After a point, one has to deal with the reality of living in Pakistan. Even if one is lucky and has never known someone to have actually died in one of these horrific attacks, one must learn to live with the reality. Find their own coping mechanism, maybe even joke about it....yes I'm having a Blast...ha ha. At this stage we realize that life will never be the same but we choose to continue to see hope and meaning in the future. not necessary because we believe it, but because we have to have hope in order to go on and continuing to cherish our lives. 

End of the day you keep going, move on, live, laugh and squeeze every drop of happiness life has to offer, because you never know what day will be your last. It may sound a bit forlorn and damning but I'm not, even in the best of times life and it's duration is unpredictable. From the moment we are born to our last breath we put our lives in the hands of God and pray to him to bless us and serve at his will. The atheist alternate of 'well, the idea of dying sure sucks, thank god I have an insurance policy,' does not really seem appealing to me.  

I like to think I've reached the acceptance level, but after every attack I find myself reliving the steps over and over again. Disappointingly, I find myself increasingly desensitized to it all, rushing through the steps at increasingly record time. I abhor that change in myself, suffering and feeling emotions (particularly sad ones) is a part of life. Slowly, I feel that my humanity (which I revere) and compassion is slowly being eroded away by the onslaught. Maybe that's what the real goal of the terrorists is. Once we are all stripped of our humanity, we'll stop caring what they do, we'll just live with it, we'll just want it to stop. The population at large may even elect them (worked for Nepal....sort off).

So the short answer is that it can suck living my city of Boom Boom, but I still love it here. My heart is with my family, friends and my people, as long as they are here, my home will be where my heart lies. That is Pakistan. You live your life the best way you know how and leave the rest up to God.