Defending My Petty Little Blogosphere

Blogging is good, Blogging is democratic, Blogging is the debate of ideas and an avenue for self expression. Some may find bloggers desire to write offensive, and that is fine. I’d like to turn their attention to their computers ‘Shutdown’ setting.

If one doesn’t like what my blog or any particular message board they stumble across says, then by all means, don’t participate. Because it is the ability to participate in the debate is what makes the blogosphere democratic and unique.

Blogging, is my right. If I or any other member of the blogosphere decides to express our own opinion, then that should be lauded (I laud myself all the time). It is when one represses the rights of individuals that one spreads terrorism.

There is nothing more important to a society straining to attain a health democracy than diversity of thought and multiple platforms of expression, unless one advocates a ‘controlled democracy’ (read totalitarian society; we’ve tried that, it doesn’t work).

If one finds it acceptable to restrict what people think into their own personal realm of accepted views, then perhaps they prefer the days preceding the internet. However, in this time and age, short of banning the internet, one had better accept the notion that one can’t restrict writers from expressing themselves, in the blogosphere or otherwise.

Here are the primary criticisms of the blogosphere

A: Bloggers are far too young to write intelligibly

It's my generation that taught the um… ‘experienced’ (by experienced I mean Older) generation of writers how to use their fancy 'laat-top' to bang out their artfully crafted pieces, check their gmail and make their own fan pages on book-face (in the vain hope that the government would ban them).

With no offense intended on Pakistan’s glorious veteran truth speaking establishment, I doth do protest (as is my right; I checked). As old as some of these distinguished experienced journalists may be, I imagine that back in the 1800’s some were still in the pinnacle of their youth and attempting to learn their trade, becoming great at journalism or any other field requires time, patience and accountability and most of all, a platform.

Being old doesn't give one a patent on being able to write any more than my chaiwalla is a banker.

B: That Bloggers know nothing, and that only experienced Journalists hold the elixir of truth in their soft hands, hence ought to have the exclusive privilege to spread their message

Ideas matter, and if we’d like to live in a society with actual freedoms, we have to shy away from debating in fear. It is the ideas that pulsate on the blogosphere that reflect what people are thinking.

News will be news, one cycle after another. Journalists will always remain relevant, but it is the response to news items that adds to the realm of debate even more crucially than the original news pieces themselves.

As terrific as the news that emanates from this country of ours, the response is what really matters. If the Hindu community is viciously attacked by fanatics, do we raise our voices or mutter something about ‘them finally accepting Islam’.

C: Bloggers actually care what others think.

We don’t, my own personal writing and thinking fetish aside it may be pertinent to note we all shall pass from the earth at some point, if our legacy is to be our deeds, our ideas fall in that category.

Long after we are gone, our ideas will live on, and does it really matter if one doesn’t like it?

Well, they can write a blog about it.

A version of this piece was published in the Tribune

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Council of Man: Man Made Movement!

Pakistani’s need a new kind of political force to sweep the nation, (not another sycophantic NGO or dissident party), I think it's time for a party that will represent MEN. I'd like to introduce The Man Made Movement (MMM), not to be confused with the dissident Jamaat Islami offshoot ‘Majalis and Maulanas Rock Movement’.

The Party shall be run by the Council of Man; Members are to include Movie Star Shaan, Rocker Ali Noor, Cricketer Shahid Afridi, Celebrity George Clooney, Golfer/Womanizer Tiger Woods and PCB Chairman Ijaz Butt. I nominate myself as communications director and the Chief Councilor of MMM (CM).

Our official symbol will be the Man Salute (Borat style High Five, followed by chest bump) to be recognized as the official symbol for Peace, Love and Brotherhood. We are also willing to undertake the risk of Swine flu and other diseases spreading exponentially, which would increase pharmaceutical firms share price and hence attract foreign investors.

In an innovative new concept, our parliamentary votes will openly be for sale, probably via E-bay. A significant percentage of the revenues will be used for the upliftment of men, the remaining portion is expected to stimulate the entertainment sector's contribution to the western notion of 'Bachelor Parties'....we also recommend Las Vegas trips....strongly.

There seems to be outrage over parliamentarians entitled perks, we feel that this needs to be corrected immediately and the PR be turned over to the MMM communications staff. The MMM advocates a position where all of the various perks such as Free Chai, Peons, Land Cruisers, Salary, Security detail, Air travel etc. This will be explained in exhaustive detail and used as part of an advertising campaign to actively recruit the youth into considering a career in politics....worked for the Armed Forces. Alternatively, bankers and other high level corporate positions packages can be revealed and vilified through the media.

Men’s Rights Bills;

There seem to be a lot of bills floating around for Women, I think men ought to get in on the action as well. After all, we vote too!!!

Men's Anti-Violence Bill; where forcing men to roam bazaars with women is deemed an affront to a man's emotional condition. We recommend Lassi treatments.

Battered Men bill; for men who are beaten by their wives. The men will be sentenced to bootcamp/prison for 6 months and will emerge as a Desi version of Rambo, complete with Vedera moustache and long range chalia spitting skills.

Man-ic depression to be recognized as a medical problem and special vacation leaves will be established (men love holidays); if women get maternity leave, so should guys....guys know how exhausting it is to work fulltime, manage their wives and their children all at the same time. We deserve some time off…preferably away in Dubai.

Establishment of a Man Rehabilitation Centre: A man exclusive treatment centre, Guys will be retaught the basics of fight club, how to watch cricket, smoke a Sheesha, blow smoke rings and curse like a man, be proficient in Kabbaddi, beaten to a pulp on a daily basis and be conditioned not to cry. For extra fees, complete emotional detachment courses will also be covered. We propose the location to be near an all girls college.

WORK PLACE:

We advocate a permanent 5 day work week, working 6 days a week is highly annoying, though we are mindful of the fact that women feel that they live in perpetual a 7 day work week. We feel that if MMM is successful in procuring an extra day off Pakistan’s largely male workforce will increase their productivity, be less irritable, enhance their family communication skills and help out more in the house work.....maybe...

FOREIGN POLICY:

Influence on Foreign Policy: High Fives being the way the President and other high level diplomats meet foreign leaders, it'll make Pakistan seem cooler to our allies and we'll get more foreign aid money; “Aw shucks, I had to give them the USD 5 billion Aid Package, he high fived me and let us have the meeting at a golf course, those Pakistani dudes is awesome.”

We also propose giving the United States and other key Allies fake keys to the nuclear arsenal. If they ever try accessing it, we can blame the Indian Locksmith we used.

SPORTS:

We all want seats on the parliamentary committee for sport. And free tickets to sporting events, yes, it's corrupt, but we are okay with it.  In exchange the party guarantees support any legislation related to religious morality. Quid pro quo.  

Sponsor and Host the first ever Man Olympics; Burping, farting and Eating contests, as well as tests of endurance of who can watch sports for the longest time without falling asleep. Events such as long distance spitting and arm wrestling are also under consideration. We conservatively project revenues from sponsorship, tourism and participation fees to be in the billions.

Holidays on all major and minor sporting occasions coupled with guarantees of no load shedding during sporting events. If we fail to support our national teams via television viewer ship ratings then we are indeed Un Patriotic Pakistani and our players have every reason to fix matches.

MISC:

World Peace bill: because we are international like that and demanding Peace is good inane politics. Precocious amount of blame will be leveled at Zionist scum for political pandering purposes.

A National What Up Day! A day celebrating ‘what up’, this will not just be for guys, but everyone. Every Pakistani citizen will be legally ‘encouraged’ (Anti-Terrorism Police and Rangers will be in charge of enforcement) to say what up to each other and give each other high fives, this will not only increase our tourism revenue.

More man space in shopping malls; Gaming Arcades, Kabaddi rings, indoor football and cricket space are to be incenticized. Men get bored in such consumer based environments and feel very pathetic following our womenfolk around (we can't let them go out alone, otherwise that might compromise their morality and our manliness).

Put the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on every TV channel by law. It is also recommended that a Cleric be found who is willing to proclaim the show is totally halal.

Abolish drug usage rights, grow, manufacture, export and tax. If this is not possible, the Council of Men is willing to compromise on a wide ranging subsidy on Glue. Trade with the Netherlands should increase by several billion dollars annually.

The Party promises to work for subsidies on foreign electronic equipment like big screen Tv's, Play stations and Cars (No Mini Coopers or any feminine looking cars; Proof of manliness required….like a copious number of cup-holders and ashtrays)

LEGAL;

Outlaw 4 marriages. Please. We can't do it anymore. The potential nagging, the whole 'if your tired of this wife, get another one, God lets you have 4' .....The law was made hundreds of year ago!!!! What the hell did we or the last 20 generations of men have to do about it? We only defend it because we want to be good Muslims. How many men do personally know who have more than one wife? Seriously. 

We demand that women be given as many rights as legally permissible, if for no other reason than to end their incessant whining. They whine less, we can enjoy our cricket matches and TV shows in peace....that is of course until they imagine something else to whine about.

The Big Idea.

The truth is that men want women to have their rights as well, but when the realm of religion versus vague traditions and political practicality come into play, we are typically at a loss to explain why, because it’s considered bad form to argue with ones elders and we have no desire to irritate the Almighty. So relax, and watch the MMM take over!

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